


The Morning After

by SiderumInCaelo



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Birth Control, Crack, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Translation Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 15:20:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13010565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiderumInCaelo/pseuds/SiderumInCaelo
Summary: In which Amy takes birth control seriously and so stops the majority of Season 6 from ever happening.  Also available in Russian.





	The Morning After

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [А поутру они проснулись](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16420838) by [TheLadyRo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadyRo/pseuds/TheLadyRo)



> This is probably the silliest and pettiest thing I've ever written, and it's all @brilliantfantasticgeronimo's fault for enabling me.
> 
> Contains both frank discussion of birth control and a fair amount of mocking of River's arc in Season 6 (I know it's been six years, but I'm still bitter).

“Doctor?” Amy asks, drawing the word out a bit. “You’re kind of like a medical doctor, right? I mean, I’ve seen you do… medical-y stuff before.”

“Well, it depends on where and when we are, technically. I’m not licensed to practice medicine on Earth in your time, but I’ve got the appropriate credentials for some places and times.” He pauses for a second. “At least, I’m pretty sure I do.”

Then his tone turns more serious. “But why are you asking, Amelia Pond? Is something wrong?”

“No! I just… have a question.” She takes a breath. “Could time traveling and the universe resetting and everything make birth control less effective?” she asks, trying very hard not to blush. It’s a perfectly reasonable question, and her and Rory are even married now.

For once, the Doctor doesn’t get all flail-y at the implication of sex, and Amy is grateful for it. “It could. What kind of birth control are you using?”

“The implant.” She’d switched from the pill after she got engaged because it made sense to get something longer lasting then, and she was glad of it when she started traveling in the TARDIS. Time travel would have made taking a pill every twenty-four hours next to impossible.

She absentmindedly feels for it in her arm, even though she knows full well it’s still there. “The time travel probably wouldn’t affect it,” the Doctor says, “but I don’t know what effect the universe resetting might have had on your hormone levels, if any. Can’t exactly do a study on a phenomenon that’s only happened once, you see.”

Clearly he realizes that’s not reassuring, because he adds, “It’s probably fine. But you can take an emergency contraceptive, if you want to be sure.”

“I would,” Amy says immediately.

He takes her to the med bay, and as they’re walking there the Doctor asks, “Does Rory know you’re worried about this?”

Amy shakes her head. “He was still asleep when I got up. And I didn’t want to worry him if it was just me panicking over nothing, you know?

“It’s not a secret I’m keeping from him,” she adds, suddenly defensive. “He knows about the implant.” Rory had actually gone with her when she got it, and had shyly admitted that he wasn’t any more ready to have kids than she was.   “I just wanted to know if it was really an issue, before I got him involved.”

* * *

When they get to the med bay, the Doctor pulls a small package out of one of the drawers, and pops the pill out of it. “It’s like the morning after pill back home, right?” Amy asks as he hands it to her.

“It’s a bit more effective than those, but otherwise yes.”

It’s a small pill so Amy dry-swallows it, but the Doctor hands her a cup of water anyway. “How effective is it, exactly?”

“You’ve taken it within twenty-four hours, so approximately ninety-eight percent, and it’s probable that your implant would have worked anyway. But I can run a pregnancy test in two weeks, just to be sure.”

“So, if I did get knocked up, would all the time stuff make the baby weird?” she asks, suddenly curious. “Like would it have extra toes or a time head or something?”

“A _time head_?” the Doctor repeats incredulously, making a face at the words. “What on earth is a _time head_?”

“Well I don’t know!” she answers. Then the absurdity of the situation hits her and she starts laughing, draining away the last of her worry from earlier.

“I guess I don’t really know if the ‘time stuff,’ as you put it, would affect a baby or not,” the Doctor says once her giggles trail off.

“Well, what’s the most it could do? The most extreme, least probable scenario,” Amy asks, even though she knows the conversation is now going to involve a lot of hypotheticals and made-up sounding science.

“Hmm… exposure to the time vortex did alter the genetic code in my species. Of course, that happened over generations, but I suppose it’s theoretically possible that being conceived in the time vortex could cause at least some of the same mutations.”

“Oh my god, are you telling me I could have had a Time Lord baby?” Amy asks.

“No, it would still be human. Just with some Time Lord abilities.”

“Right, because that’s so much different,” Amy says, rolling her eyes. “What abilities, though? Could it regenerate?”

“It’s not entirely impossible,” the Doctor admits.

“What, seriously? You’re telling me that if someone’s conceived in the time vortex they could have your get-out-of-death-free trick?”

“I did say it was unlikely.”

“Next you’ll be telling me this ‘theoretically possible’ Time Lord-human hybrid would also have the power to destroy the universe or something.”

“Actually –”

“Oh come on!”

“It is technically possible that the baby could be the victim of an elaborate kidnapping plot, raised by a highly secretive religious order and brainwashed into hating me, put into an Apollo spacesuit – by the way, the religious order could have manipulated the whole of human history in order to get you lot to invent said spacesuit – dropped into a lake in Utah in order to kill me while I was having a nice picnic there, but would actually have fallen madly in love with me and so would override the automated suit weapons, therefore causing time to split and decay and destroy the universe, unless I told them that it was actually a robot replica of me so they could just pretend to kill me, though they would still need to go to jail for murder in order to keep up the charade.”

Amy stares at him.

“No, I’m just kidding! What kind of ridiculous plan would that be?”


End file.
